Grand Canyon: get on your Mule!

when you know you are going to reach that magical age of 30 people do one of a couple of things – take it gracefully with all that goes with it or bugger off somewhere were nobody can rub salt in the wound. i took the latter, more cowardly, option. coming up to 30th i had sought of hoped the land would just open and swallow me up. it didn’t but luckily a slight of geography sometime longer than 30 years ago (millions in fact) was going to do something similar.

a bit like vodka and red bull, a combination holiday to las vegas and the grand canyon might not seem to work. for a start your to think of the canyon as one of the attractions of vegas (and the tourist brochures of vegas do just that) is in geographical terms at least a little incorrect – about 300 miles incorrect. however i wanted to get away from it all (the very bottom of the canyon) but the girlfriend still wanted to live it up a bit to try and prove to me i think i wasn’t quite dead just yet (viva las vegas).
to give you a little bit of a clue on my thinking here i am afraid i am one of those people who cant see a hill without climbing it. if i walk down a river i always want to go around the next corner. the moon has been annoying me now for more than 30 years. standing at the top of the grand canyon was not going to be enough – and the long-suffering girlfriend knew it. she likes to look at the hill.
so somewhere we had to strike a balance. we couldn’t hike down. she wasn’t up to it. truth of the matter was i wasn’t up to it either – we didn’t need to mention that though.
and so it was that the love child of a horse and donkey, the mule, was to be our saviour. now you may not know it (i didn’t) but apparently mules are synonymous with the grand canyon. a number of mule trips are available but the one we fancied was an overnight stay at the bottom of the canyon in the ‘phantom ranch’. now at this point i couldn’t hide my excitement even if this was a real down beat shack at the bottom of the Canyon –somehow it had a Scooby Doo adventure written all over it! A word of warning though. You must book a long time in advance. We booked 9 months in advance and managing to get the trip booked was seen as a bit lucky! The cost of booking was around $300 each.
The flight from Vegas to the Grand Canyon (by far the best method to get there) is best thought of as a bit of an adventure. Imagine being sat in a 20 year old VW van only to find that its got wings and not only that, shooting down the runway, you are going to be flying in the thing in a few more seconds! Anyway the cost of this adventure is less than £150 return. The airline company is Scenic Airlines and it most certainly is that – the more squeamish flyer might not totally enjoy it but more than certainly will remember it for the views.
From the small Grand Canyon airport it is but a short ride to the Grand Canyon village situated on the South ridge of the Canyon. You can stay just outside of the park itself, especially if you have a hire car, but for me part of the experience was staying within the park even if you have to pay that little bit more.
Your choice of hotels (and the eating places within) are all run by Amfac (www.amfac.com) which seems to run the resorts in all of the US National Parks. As with the mule trip advance booking is essential. We went for the Bright Angel Lodge which provided rustic, but comfortable, accommodation in cabins at around 65$ a night.
We made sure we booked an extra day at the Canyon so would could have a look around the top of the canyon and some of the ‘attractions’ it offered. The park lays on a shuttle service running along the south rim of the Canyon. This allows you to jump on and off the shuttle at a number of designated stops en route. For those who don’t want to do what is known as the rim trail this is perfect as you can do chunks of it as required. The rim trail is paved around the village but becomes unpaved at points further away. It is also pretty close to the edge of the Canyon!
More strenuous trails include the Bright Angel Trail from the village to the Canyon floor (19-mile round trip) and the South Kaibab Trail (over 12 mile round trip) again to the Canyon floor but from a starting location 5 miles east of the village.
Evening saw us visit the dining room at the Bright Angel Lodge and to be fair to Amfac, which has a total monopoly in the village, the food was pretty good and not too badly priced.
And so to the mules.
An early start saw us raring to go in full cowboyish gear. Rules state you must wear a wide brimmed hat, long sleeved shirt, long trousers and sensible shoes. Anything short of this and you will be turned away. Most people looked pretty professional – I looked more like one of the three Amigos in my Vegas bought gear. You are also given water bottles and you should daub yourself with sun tan lotion before starting. A visit to the toilet – useful on a number of scores – would also be advised before the start of the trip.
The pre tour talk is pretty stern but this is a fun trip. The cowboys who travel with you are pros and they want you to be have a great time – but at no point at the cost of safety.
And so onto my Mule. Now I have ridden once before but decided at the cost of maybe not having a family because of it never rode again – in other words I cant ride. You don’t have to be able to ride to do this trip however.
And so you head down the Bright Angel trail (read wide enough for one mule) at a slow canter. Now if you have a head for heights you don’t want to know about corners and mules. Mules don’t seem to go around corners. They walk to the edge with there head (and you) hanging over. They then make a delicate step round to the way they should now be going. This takes a bit of getting used to say the least but in a short time you have full confidence in your beast (well almost).
I couldn’t even begin to describe the scenery and thoughts you have during the 5 hour descent to the bottom of the Canyon but for me the biggest buzz was to suddenly come across the ice blue Colorado River having not seen the river since it was a thin blue line at the top of the Canyon. Riding my now trusty mule on a ledge 50 foot above this bubbling torrent is something I will never forget.
Finally we made it to the Phantom Ranch. I would like to say I gracefully dismounted my mule and walked away alas I pretty much ended up hanging from the thing and well after being sat on a horse for around 5 hours you cant really walk anymore!
Your afternoon is then at leisure. Perhaps a quick walk back to the Colorado river or a quick dip in the stream next to the ranch to cool down your ass! Then again forgot the quick dip – I read later that sudden torrents have been known to drag people into the Colorado never to be seen again.
Suppertime is also special. Guests (some walkers, some mulers and some white water rafters) all attend the dining room at the same time. There are no orders taken here. A big bit of steak and mixed veg is slapped on your plate and eaten. Beer is extra but the food is included in the price. Enjoy your steak – it probably travelled down with you. There is no other real way of getting food and drink to the bottom of the Canyon other than the mule trains.
There are of course no discos down here so you make your own entertainment on a night. The dining hall opens again to sell some beer and there is also an interesting talk about Canyon tales with one of the Park rangers.
Next morning is another early start as you make your way back up the Canyon. The trip up the Canyon is surprisingly a little quicker. This is due to the use of a shorter trail up the Canyon but also the mules find it easier going up than down. Eventually you are back at the top of the canyon full of memories but no doubt a saw backside – nothing an outdoor jacuzzi in Las Vegas wont fix though.